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J å © ]< þ ® € € ¯|¯×º°”˜`”°º×Be CooL׺°”˜`”°º× July 16 Stupid questions asked to Indians..."Do you have elephants in India?"
How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians. To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archeryskills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot.In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives.You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation? A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ridesharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You seeelephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars? A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.
Q. Does India have TV? A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian? A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well? A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.
Q. Are you a Hindi? A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu? A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt? A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn't it? A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India? A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.
Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh? A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly? A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that? A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work? A. I prefer it to coming naked. May 28 Talking about How Poor People Can Be........
Quote How Poor People Can Be........ April 21 Life..When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an emphatic "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." List of phobias starting with 'A'
March 20 Women!A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and said, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied as she thought to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," said the astonished sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment..."
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read! March 15 MSN Spaces RingMarch 14 Some pickup lines...A song from your lips is an aria from heaven. All this could be yours for one low, low price! Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to? Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you. Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot. Are you accepting applications for your fan club? Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful. Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary? Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here. Are you Natasha, my contact? Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long. Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight? Aren't you the tiger on the Frosted Flakes box? Cuz you look "Grrrreat!" As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me! Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is January 10,1999, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you." Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away! Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel! Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love. Be unique and different, say yes. Before you run, I am not a freak. Beww BEWWW Beww (What?) That is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped! By the way the light is hitting your eyes, I can see myself in them, and damn, I look good!. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. Can I flirt with you? Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas? Can i get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart. Champaign can be tickly, and so can I. (Close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this). Coffee? Tea? Me? Come live in my heart, and pay no rent. Compared to you, the sun feels cold. Could you do me a favor and tell your boyfriend he's a lucky man? Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged! Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? Did you have Campbell's soup today? (she answers yes/no) Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good! Did you hear the latest health report? You need to up your daily intake of vitamin me. Didn't I pick you up in the grocery store? 'Cause you're hot like salsa Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue? Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after. Do you eat lots of Lucky Charms? Because you look magically delicious. Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you. Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?) Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes! Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot? Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date? Do you have room in your life for another friend? Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number? Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'. Do you like anyone else in here? Well, I guess you are stuck with me. Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home! Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend? Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room? Do you remember Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue. Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror) Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night? Does beauty run in your family? Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good? Does my breath smell okay? Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you. Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off! Don't you know me from somewhere? Ever since I met you, you've lived in my heart without paying any rent Excuse me miss, I don't mean to stare, but um I think you're really Beautiful" Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you. Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw! Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize? Excuse me, but do you have tickets? (Tickets for what?) (Points to arm and flex) To the gun show! Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. Excuse me, but I may be lost... Can you give me directions to wherever you're going? Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life? Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP. (If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny, apologize.) Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage? Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill? Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us. Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most gorgeous girl/guy I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you. Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle. Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature. Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend? Excuse me, is that your perfume that you are wearing? Excuse me, mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams. Excuse me... do you speak Klingon? For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me. Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice. Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy! Girl: I may not be Mya but my love is like whoa Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that it"s a big river, and the bunny on this side (it doesn"t matter which side) really needs to get to the other side. Then tell the person how they think that bunny got across. And when they finally give up, give them puppy eyes and tell them that there was no bunny, but that you just wanted to hold their hand. (Awwwwww) God must have been in a very good mood the day we met. Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses? Good news, the test results are negative! Got me? I'll do your body good. Grab them in the butt and ask, "Pardon me, is this seat taken?" Great choice of clothes, they match the trim in the Jag Guy: What's your name? Girl: Danielle Guy: Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite. Guy: Can i see your hand? (he draws a little river then a bunny on one side and says he can't get to the other side because he will go glub glub glub.) Gal: What was the point of that? Guy : Just wanted an excuse to hold your hand Guy: Did I see u somewhere? Girl: No Guy: Then I must of seen you in my dreams! (works everytime) Guy: I may not be Baby Bash but you're my suga Has anyone ever told you that you have Scandinavian hands? (Uh, no.) No, of course not, that would be an incredibly stupid thing to say, wouldn't it? Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it? Have you been eating Cocoa Puffs? cuz I'm goin cookoo for you Have you ever been to Hawaii? (No why?) Well it was the most beautiful thing I've seen till I gazed into your eyes He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back. Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room. Help, something's wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you. Here's your chance to get to know me. Hershey's makes millions of kisses a day...all I'm asking for is one Hey babe, can I have your number? I think it'll look better in my pocket than in your head. Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name? Hey baby, where you been all my life? Hey baby, you are like a pot of gold... Hard to get and hard to hold. Hey baby, you've got something on your butt: my eyes. Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me. Hey kitten, how about spending some of your nine lives with me. HEY!!!! Wanna go half on a baby? Hey, come here often? You could, with me. Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile. Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl/guy with the beautiful smile. Hey, haven't I seen you before? I remember, it was in my dreams! Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good? Hey, I lost my phone number ... Can I have yours? Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name! Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here. Hey, where did your smile go? (Check back pocket) Here it is! Hey, you owe me a drink. (Answers): why? Or I do? ---Because I dropped mine when you walked past! Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night! Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Kablaam"? Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do? Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption. Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot? Hi, I'm Batman. Wanna see my batmobile? Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. Hi, my name's Right...Mr. Right. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. Hi. Are you cute? Hi. Can I domesticate you? Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform. How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me. How much did it cost? (What?) The surgery that made you so hot! I believe that it was Socrates who opined, "Know thyself." Well, I already know myself, how about I get to know you? I can read palms. {write your # on their hand} OOh it says your gonna call me soon! I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about tomorrow. I didn't know that angels could fly so low! I didn't know that Miss America lived here! I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet. I don't know you, but I think I love you already. I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I'll stop loving you I envy your lipstick. I have a cat. She would really like to meet you. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? I have only three months to live. I heard that you have a good dentist. Mind if I try out his work? I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better. I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness. I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are! I knew that my life DID have a purpose, but not until I looked into your eyes. I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out. I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was included. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you. I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you! I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south. I never thought that heaven would be so close to me" I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you. I saw you, I had an asthma attack because you took my breath away! I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman. I think I must be dying because I'm looking at Heaven. I think my medication is wearing off. I think you've got something in your eye. Oh never mind, it's just a sparkle. I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine? I want to bear all your children. (to a woman) I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you more then a Popsicle on a hot summer day I would love to be your tears, to be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks and to die on your lips. I'd marry your cat to get in the family. If a star fell for every time i thought of you, the sky would be empty. If beauty were a grain of sand, you'd be a million beaches. If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away. If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity. If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself. If I could be anything I'd be a tear: Born in your eye, live on your cheek, and die at your lips. If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater. If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. If I followed you home, would you keep me? If I had a nickel for every time I've seen a woman as beautiful as you, I'd have 5 cents. If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever. If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home? If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created. If nostalgia was white and passion was black, my love for you would be a little chessboard If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib. If water were beauty you'd be the ocean. If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]." How did you know my name? "Isn't every beautiful girl named that?" If you were a booger I'd pick you first. If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable. If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning". If you were a library book, I would check you out. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you. If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you. I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug? I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night? I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend? I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve. I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick, want to help me test the claim it won't kiss off? Inheriting twenty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. Is it hot in here, or is it just you? Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel. Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for! Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off? Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say "yes."] Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get It must be a day off in heaven for an angel like you to be amongst us. It must be dark outside. 'Cause all the sunshine in the world is right here. It's always good for you to see me again. It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?] No, but how about a kiss anyway? It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me. I've been noticing you not noticing me. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. Just where do those legs of yours end? Know what I like best about you baby? You haven't maced me yet. Let's make like a Fabric softener and Snuggle Let's make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look. Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless. Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love. Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful boy/girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money? [Look at his/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?", say "Checking to see if you were made in heaven." Man, you sure are bright girl! Were you raised by the stars? Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank you." Man: "Sorry, you must've misunderstood me. I said: "you look fat in those pants!" Man: excuse me did you just feel my ass? Girl: no you: why not? Man:"Girl, you are so rude!" Girl:"How am I being rude?" Man:"Because you're looking so fine and not telling me you're name." Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only lovers will leave a footprint on your heart. And you my dear have left one great leap on mine! May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you? Miss, you made my heart stop... My leech would like you as a new host. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love. My lips are registered weapons. Can I invade your personal space? My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to. My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous! Oh my god, I thought I was gay... then I met you. Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! Ok, I'm here, what do you want for your next wish? Oooh, you're lookin' fine. Not in the good way, in the "you'll do" way. (Open and close wallet quickly) Here's my "Fine Arts Connoisseur" diploma. You sure are a masterpiece. Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you? (Person walks in, and you say:) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine! Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!". Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne. Pinch me. "Why?" You're so fine I must be dreaming. Please don't go or else I will have to make a report to the cops....u stole my heart Pull my finger. Really like your peaches and I wanna shake your tree. Say, didn't we go to different schools together? Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? Smile if you want me!. So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you? So, what do you like to do for fun? (Why?) 'Cause I'm gonna ask you out. So, you're a girl huh? Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb! Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample? Speak of the devil....or should I say "Angel"? Stop, Drop, and Roll baby 'cause you're on fire! Take a chance on me. (Talk to her) Did I ever tell you you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be? (Start Singing) I can fly higher than an eagle! (talking) Because (her name) you are the wind beneath my wings. That's a nice watch [Thank you] Actually, that's a nice dress. [Again, thank you] Come to think of it, everything is nice on you. The only thing your eyes haven't told me about you is your name. There aren't enough "O"'s in the word "smooth" to describe how smooth you are. There is much more here than what meets the eye. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. There was no color in the world until I met you. There's an aura about you that's hidden and I want to bring that aura out. This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line. This is incredible. This is the first time that this has ever happened to us. (What?) Each one of my 27 personalities found you cute! This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single. Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet." (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it." Walk up and say, "Yes?" "What?" "Oh, my friend told me that you wanted to make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night." Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say, "how about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to spend this money?" (Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Person: What are you doing?!?!? You: Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. Person: WHAT?!?!? You: Well it has to be illegal to look that good! (Walk up to them and touch them) Thank God, I thought that you were only an illusion (mirage). Want to see my stamp collection? Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you! Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you. Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes? Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good. Were you in Girl/Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot. Weren't you on America's Most Wanted last night? What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room? What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too! What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male) What sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc... What time do you have to be back in heaven? What would you do if I kissed you right now? What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me? What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off! What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?" What's your sign? When God made you, he was showing off. When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part. When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels. When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons. When you look into the mirror holding up a dozen roses, you see the 13 most beautiful things in the world When's our wedding date? (While looking at stars) Baby, I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was sitting right next to me. Who's your daddy? Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a break and let me concentrate on something else for a change? Woman, I hate to see you go, but I LOVE watching you leave.... Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass. Would you like someone to mix with your drink? Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together? Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming. You - "Did it hurt". The other person will naturally say "Did what hurt?", You - "When you fell from heaven." You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me. You are a beautiful girl, you have probably heard all the great pick up lines, so why dont' you just tell me the ones that worked so we can get past all that....?" You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. You are not a woman, you are an essence You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family. You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine. You are so sweet...I'm getting a toothache just looking at you... You are the hottest thing since sunburn. You are the only reason why I came in here alone. You are the proof that God has a sense of humor. You are the reason men fall in love. You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me! You know at this angle as the lights hit your eyes [start fixing hair] I can see myself and I look great." Then smile, and sheepishly say "just kidding." You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get! You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad. You look beautiful today, just like every other day. You look just like my mother. You look like a big glass of water and I sure am thirsty! You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book ... So what's one more?? You look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit! You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. You must be a chef, because you certainly are mighty spicy. You must be from Hiroshima, cause baby you're the Bomb. you must be from out of space cause I can see the stars in your eyes You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb. You must be going to hell cause it must be a sin to look that good. You MUST have a nice personality. You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here! You remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot! You Say: Looks like we're late." She Says: "For what?" You Say: "For dinner. Your choice this time, I'm buying." You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute. You should be someone's wife. You: Do you have a warrant out for your arrest? Them: No....why? girl: Because it has got to be a crime being so damn sexy. You: You're perfect in almost every way, except you have one major flaw. Them: What's that? You: Your address. It needs to be the same as mine. Your body is like a haiku in motion. Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special. Your daddy must be a terrorist, because baby- you da bomb! Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home. Your eyes have touched my soul Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine? You're a twinkle in my eye and an angel from the sky. You're daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox. You're daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bulls eye. You're eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea. You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power! You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life! You're so hot you would make the devil sweat. You're ugly but you intrigue me. You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room. You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon. March 06 Talking about Your Title
Quote Your Title A vanished friend!
March 01 tables!!!
.......4500 pg views completed.......
keep visitin! February 26 What is Life!Life is a challenge……….meet it Life is a struggle………...accept it Life is a battle…………...fight it Life is a problem………….solve it Life is a sorrow…………...overcome it Life is a burden…………...carry it Life is a tragedy…………..face it Life is a duty……………...perform it Life is a game……………..play it Life is a mystery…………...unfold it Life is a song………….......sing it Life is a blessing……..…….take it Life is a dream….………....realize it Life is a journey……….......complete it Life is a promise………....... fulfill it Life is a love……………....enjoy it Life is a beauty…………....praise it Life is a adventure………....dare it Life is an opportunity……….avail it Life is an ice cream………..enjoy it BEFORE IT MELTS….. February 23 Home For All EternitySatan greets him : "Welcome Mr. Gates, we`ve been waiting for you. "What about the PC?" "It`s got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. February 11 yet another milestone....hiya ppl,
i've completed da 3500 pg views mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thnx to all da visitors........keep visitin!
tc January 29 another milestone.......i've completed the 3000 pg views mark!!!!!!!!!!
thnx to all da visitors....... January 26 Cool company!!!!Dear All Here are our policies which we expect u to follow; Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need araise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall & gt; door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy! You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also. Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced me al to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management. effects of chain mails.......girl named Jessica went online she started talkin to another girl. it started out normally......... Jessica: Hey person. Other girl: Hello Jessica: You've been a really interesting person to talk to. Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it? Jessica: Yea. Other girl: What's ur name again? Jessica: My name is Jessica.What's urs? Other girl: I can't really tell u. Jessica: Why? Other girl: Because I'm dead. Jessica: What? Other girl: I'm dead. Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don't i.m. living people. Other girl: Yes they can because I can. Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what's ur real name now that I know that u are dead? Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now. Jessica: So where do u live 'dead person' and what's ur last name and ur real name? Mary: Do you really want to know? Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook. Mary: You really wanna know? Jessica: (Feeling Frustrated) Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name! Mary: I"m not dumb. Jessica: (Calming down a little) Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name. Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary. Jessica: (Laughing) You can't be bloody Mary. There's no such thing! Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of. Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it! Mary: I won't. If u don't copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you. The Next Day... Jessica woke up in the mornin after sendin a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife. She was holding it up over Jessica's head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood! Bloody Mary didn't hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you. Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen... After you send it instead of clicking OK hit alt. and then F4 you will see a mysterious picture of Bloody Mary. AND DO NOT FORWARD. LEMME say it again. DO NOT FORWARD. OR ELSE. |
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