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July 16 Stupid questions asked to Indians..."Do you have elephants in India?"
How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians. To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archeryskills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot.In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives.You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation? A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ridesharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You seeelephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars? A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.
Q. Does India have TV? A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian? A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well? A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.
Q. Are you a Hindi? A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu? A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt? A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn't it? A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India? A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.
Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh? A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly? A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that? A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work? A. I prefer it to coming naked. May 28 Talking about How Poor People Can Be........
Quote How Poor People Can Be........ April 21 Life..When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an emphatic "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." List of phobias starting with 'A'
March 20 Women!A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and said, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied as she thought to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," said the astonished sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment..."
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Invite as friend
